Savior
by AcerbusEquinomin56
Summary: Ryuichi's never been more sure of anything in his life, and that's that Shuichi deserves more than a hedonistic pimp like Yuki. RyuXShu Dark Fic. Warnings for character death.


A/N: Now this, I don't have an explanation for. It was one of the many fics that I simply wrote to write. I needed to just keep writing so as I can keep from sinking back into my blocks…

Lately, though…I've been having a bit of a tougher time, so…it's been showing in my writing. My longer works have been getting progressively darker since I wrote the sequel to Hospital. Now, this one…

Originally, when I first wrote the first part, which ends at the first three sparkly stars, I had intended for it to be a longer multi-chapter fic that would probably of had some partner abuse and some smex and then it would end happily, but I just finished it a few hours ago and now that I read over it again while I write the liner notes…it is nowhere near what I had first intended…and that saddens me immensely…

As to the actual story, I had other ideas, many other ideas, but this is what came out…It is very dark and depressing, so unless…you want to read this stuff, really, don't bother. A lot of my other work is happier and sexier, so if you no like dark things, stay AWAY!!!

There was nothing different. Nothing seemed to have changed at all, but there was just this certain feeling, an air of uncertainty that led everything to seem askew. The old hang-outs, the old apartment buildings, even the old friends, they were all changing in ways that no one could control. They struck out on their own and challenged fate, but as so many times I have seen, fate hated to be challenged.

So many of them died, mostly of circumstantial or mysterious circumstances. One was by a car wreck, others were done in by their crazy fans, and then so many of my dear, dear friends died from suicide…or at least I think of it as suicide. They never probably wanted to die, but they were so drunk off of life, there weren't really any boundaries for them anymore, so they probably just wanted to keep pushing until they finally broke something that money or sex couldn't fix. Death seemed to be that solution for so many.

Although drugs and alcohol and even smoking did in my friends, I always considered them to be…many things. For one, I did often label them as suicides by only their deaths, but that, as we all know, was a wrong thing to do. It was a biased and prejudiced thing to do. I never really wanted to give much effort in mourning. I always thought that if someone was dead, then they were dead and no amount of grieving or sobbing or putting on makeup just to have it roll off your face as you scream at the stiff would bring them back…so why do you bother trying to spend years on a hopeless cause?

I was always that kind of person, the busy body. I never wanted to particularly waste time. It just didn't suit me. I had noticed how quickly it moved with the deaths of most of whom I called friends and I didn't really want to languish, getting rid of any more of my life.

Someone once said that no one except the poets and a few saints realize how precious and short life is before it is far too late. I think that is a very good thing to remember. I could call myself a poet and I feel like one from time to time, but I really just consider myself to be nothing more than someone who can say what they mean. Perhaps that is a gift, perhaps not. I can't tell what is and isn't anymore.

Another thing that I always referred to my friends as being was quite simply idiots. It probably goes back to the "life is too short" thing, but I always found it ridiculous that you would want to shorten something that is nonrenewable and is, quite literally, ticking away. Why damage yourself beyond repair when love and laughter is always in reach? It made no sense to me. It isn't bad to enjoy yourself, but when you're hopelessly lost in such a haze of addiction and pleasurably disgusting filth…you aren't having fun anymore.

At the same time however, I almost envied them. They seemed so free. Of course, freedom is in the eye of the beholder as I could tell by how much they suffered before they died that they were more chained than I was in my life of rules and attempts to keep breathing. It went on and on, but they never seemed to stop smiling, that is until they fell into their gruesome and pitiless deaths. That I didn't envy, but I did envy their lives.

They really just kind of wasted everything they had and I wondered just what life meant to them. I always wanted to ask them. It has been a bad habit, if you could even call it that, of mine to try to ask them a question that I am dying for the answer, but end up losing my nerve and folding before I could, and then, out of the blue, they're dead and my answer is gone with their dying breath and the dust that their bodies would turn into.

It never helped that whenever I approached them, I was either forced to wait in some green room or be turned away. I knew them, but I couldn't talk to them. Ironic and moronic, isn't it? Fame isn't something that I even really like. Sure, I like attention and I don't mind crazy gifts that fans send me…provided that they aren't harmful…of course I don't even have to worry about that…

One time, I had just gotten back from a show and I arrived back to my rental apartment. Inside was a giant box wrapped with a bow. My manager went a little insane with suspicion and I didn't want to bother objecting. I wasn't sure what was in it and I didn't want to have to risk anything, especially considering that the box was large enough to carry a human. I attempted to remove the ribbon, but before I could even get the top of the box off, K pulled out a damn Tommy gun and riddled the thing with bullets…

Inside was a giant stuffed bunny. I think I ended up crying to see the poor pink creature's insides gooshing out of it like honey out of baklava. It was then that I concluded, with extreme reverence and knowledge that I was patient and forgiving, that K was a complete idiot…and a homicidal pushy one at that. Why should I even worry about my fans when I have a guy like him around?

Anyway, death really didn't faze me as much as it could of. I was still a little scared of it, sure, but I wasn't about to let it run my life. I loved life and I didn't want to shorten it in any way, but nevertheless, I was not about to sit around and waste my time afraid to use the bathroom because an anaconda could randomly crawl through the pipes and bite me in the ass.

I was just curious. Curious about most everything and it didn't help to meet so many new people…this was K's fault. I wasn't stupid and I was very aware that K was manipulative and with him, the more friends as he called them, although I could easily tell he meant to call them pawns, I made the better. I have figured most everything out, but one thing I still haven't pondered and puzzled through is what K gets out of being so pushy and string pulling. Sure, it's obvious that he enjoys his job of shooting, kidnapping and black mailing people, but still, I wouldn't pin him as the charitable type. Plus, he's American and from what I've heard about Americans…of course, living in Japan for so long, you don't really know what is true or false, especially some of the rumors you hear about Ghettoes and Suburbs.

It sends chills down my spine. It really does. My guess is that K must either get a really good salary or he likes to make as many "friends" as he can so as to secure a very enjoyable, preferably early retirement. I don't mind. My thoughts are that if I can get rid of him, then I will be a little freer. He has no clue of this though…no one does. If I pride myself on one thing, it is my acting skill.

I can turn from child-like to deadly on a dime and I love every minute of it. Of course, I prefer to put every last ounce of my intent into my work, which is why I am basically forced to revert to a less than adolescent form any other time. Of course, whenever something interesting or serious pops up, it doesn't take much for me to return to my old and preferable self. Many people say that I have a kaboozah of personality disorders, which I doubt that I have, but still, I think that I know myself better than anyone else does. Even Tohma, with all his dirty tricks, drive by's and lies, cannot worm his way into my head and that, in truth, is one thing that I am relieved about. I don't need that sick pervert in my mind and I don't keep him in it any longer than I have to.

I feel bad for whoever K has to work for in the future. They won't know what hit them. In any case, I don't really have a lot of concern for that now. I was too busy thinking of plans for my other friends, at least, the people that I truly called friends. I didn't have too many anymore. Most are dead as I mentioned earlier, but still, I have a few.

Then of course, with friends I have enemies. Among these enemies include most everyone I know. Such as K and Tohma and…well, can you keep a secret? I've had this stalker for a while now and he keeps making these…advances…he's starting to creep me out. I would ask K for help, but I get the feeling that he'd just make another one of his damn connections leaving me to suffer. This guy is obsessed with me and…god, I tried to kind of just ride it out, but one time as I was riding and taking him home in the limo, (Which the only reason that he was anywhere near me is because he had tracked me down and demanded we go somewhere. I put on a happy face and tried to think of escape plans, especially considering I was due that afternoon for a television performance. He ended up taking me to the zoo, we even dressed up because he brought costumes…why I was a bunny, I could only imagine) he tried to stick his hands down my pants and stick his fingers in my…

Let's just say that I jogged the rest of the way home. I think I'll have a restraining order taken out on him soon. I believe his name was Tatsuha something…he's the brother of Eiri Yuki. Oh, and speaking of sluts, we move right on to the play-boy novelist. Yeah, you can tell I don't like him, right? Well, you could say that I look at him as the epitome of all that I hate. Let's see. He's an abuser of alcohol and tobacco, and most likely drugs, he uses people, especially women and sometimes men like tissues for his own disgusting sexual pleasure as though they are lower life forms like animals (What really ticks me off is that the people are fine with it…until cruel reality speaks into their minds), he's a cold, heartless jerk who cares nothing about life or its inhabitants, and he's a hypocritical critic.

Yes, that's right hypocritical. I've never, in all my years, ever heard him give a single positive or helpful review. Instead, he senselessly slams books with hateful remarks and merciless sarcasm as though he needs something to pick at to make his own filthy soul feel better. Not only that and no offense to anyone, but I've read one or two of his books and to put it bluntly: they suck.

He uses the same plot line over and over again, hardly revising his characters and ends with an unsatisfactory conclusion that leaves the book on war fields and unhallowed ground. Otherwise known as, he can't write and what he does write is about as good to read as something written in a dead language. So basically, when I said hypocritical, I meant that he is unfit to give any advice or criticism on writing or write himself and yet he does and thinks that he is god.

That, in itself, is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard of. He is my opposite mindset and what I think of as my personal enemy. Of course, I don't have only enemies. I have a few friends. My closest is simply, well, how do you put it? He is…amazingly tragic.

Shu-chan is just incredible. I can easily tell that he has so much talent and can go so far, but he ended up with the wrong crowd or to make it more obvious, the wrong person. He fell in love with Yuki. Of all people, he fell in love with an abusive, apathetic asshole who would rather fuck a rock than hug someone. That, I guess is where everything started.

I met him a while ago, in the initial hand off (or passing of a giant, blond baton) of K. He was energetic and fun to be around. He really made me feel warm inside. It was all nice and chipper around him. I never really considered him a friend until I knew more about him. If anything, his life kind of just sucked me in. I never had anyone to call my own…don't look at me like that!

Hey, I had my work and my life and my pushy manager who shoved random interviews at me, so I didn't even have time to think about that stuff. I haven't even lost my vir…did I just say that out loud?! Um…just forget that please. Anyway, I didn't really need to look into anyone else's life because I was so obsessed and absorbed in my own.

However, there was just something about him that made me feel exhilarated and bright and luminous. He gave me a new sense of inspiration and energy that I hadn't ever had before. I kind of both wanted more and got curious about it. Before I knew, I was looking heavily into his life, not only that, but I was leaning heavily into it as well.

I had asked K to get me research on Shu-chan's life, but I never expected the 156 page report that went as thorough as first-hand accounts and eye witnesses from second grade. I didn't need that much info. Shu might think that I was some kind of stalker, which I was slowly turning into anyway.

However, things really started to heat up when I got to page 73 of the report… What? Yes, I did read all 156 pages…..It was neat, okay?! It was at that point that I discovered the first step in my journey to figuring out just who Shu-chan was. I learned that he lived with Eiri Yuki, AKA my nemesis. Not only that, but the report gave claims of how they fell in love and just how in love they were.

From these reports and the surveillance camera photos that K supplied, I began to get furious. Yuki wasn't in love at all and it was obvious that he simply using Shu for sex and attention. For me to have to watch this poor little fireball get hurt so many times was heart breaking. It was also obvious that Yuki was Shu's first crush. That slut of a writer ended up completely enslaved Shu with a kiss, a kiss that he probably got nothing out of anyway.

He had completely broken Shu and was training him to his will and my prediction was, seeing it happen so many times, that Yuki would strengthen Shu's addiction for him until it was like blood and then cut him off completely, throwing him out for someone more fun or for a newer model of pleasure. This was unacceptable and I refused to let it happen.

It was then that I think I started to fall in love with Shuichi. Not out of jealousy or even out of pity, even though both of those things existed within me, deep and strong, but I had fallen in love with him because of his spirit. It was something beautiful and pure. It was carved and sculpted out of life and burned with every second that it consumed. It was so unbearably breathtaking that I had to reduce myself to my mere child-like form to stand against such a land slide of character. I had fallen in love and there was no way in hell, heaven or any other dimension that I would let my Shu-chan fall to the same fate that so many others had. He wouldn't or I would die trying to save him.

***

It was about this time that I caught my insomnia. My sleepless nights began. It really started happened when these thoughts ran through my head. They exhilarated me and I really just couldn't sleep from then on…strangely though, I could still dream even though I was awake.

My dreams were so loud and blaring that they kind of jumped the border of dreamland and hitch-hiked their way into my conscious head. I didn't mind though, as my thoughts usually encompassed dreams anyway. They were nice dreams. Most of them were of Shu-chan and me. They were nice.

None of them were wet by the way. They were quite dry, but still entertaining. It was harder for me to think of Shuichi in any other way than I had seen him and all I had seen him be was a hyperactive singer with great talent and I certainly wasn't going to let my imagination run off with something that I knew couldn't possibly be him. Besides, I don't even think it's possible for a spine to bend to way…

Anyway, but, moving on…It was about this time that sleep just went away. I knew that it was dangerous and that I wouldn't last long without it, but until I could secure a nurturing future for Shu-chan, I promised myself that I wouldn't rest and I won't. Not under any circumstances.

Now this came into severe conflict with my own internal clock and my habitual boredom at night. I didn't have anyone to talk to or be with in those long hours alone in some hotel room. I had Kumagoro and he seemed to be company enough as I know myself enough to keep company, but still talking with someone else is far more satisfying.

Now, to put it bluntly, it was quite impossible to try to contact anyone at four in the morning. If I tried to call K…I have a feeling that he would either crash through my window, half dressed, looking for trouble or somehow spontaneously invent teleportation so as he could shoot me from his bed…or use a long range, either way worked and I didn't really feel like being shot.

Others were even harder to try. I didn't know too many people well enough to bother trying to call for a conversation. Stardom is isolating and the few people that I would even feel comfortable talking with are those that wouldn't go all crazy to know that it is Ryuichi Sakuma talking to them. It doesn't make you feel good when these times happen. I should make some Amish friends, I think.

Calling Tohma was out of the question. This was simply because I am pretty sure that he is quite busy at four in the morning. I came to this conclusion because, well, how else would he be able to muster that sickening smile every single day? Whether by his wife or some…alternate source, he must be getting some from somewhere. The only other way that I can think of besides sex as being his stimulator is that he is a robot…yes; I know that the second one is more believable, but still I don't think that even robots could smile forever…

As to my other…"Friends," I couldn't possibly call Noriko…she is really scary if you wake her up. She is scarier than Godzilla on menopause…then again, who knows, she may be Godzilla on menopause. I definitely do not want to raise that monster from its cinematic grave, so she is out.

Then there are others…one of which should not be on my list, period: Tatsuha. The only reason that he is, is because out of the small pile of twelve or so numbers that I carry around with me, he gave me eight of the twelve. I didn't want to feel that pathetic, so I just kind of kept them in the stack and ignored them when I hunted for an "elusive" number.

If I did call him, he would want to know why because I don't think that any complex on my part would make up for naivety and the mistake of calling a rapist to be stalker. I would have to explain that I was lonely. He would then find me, no matter where I happened to be at that time and then would sit in my apartment looking at me, which would turn to fondling me on the outside, which would quickly turn to fondling me on the inside…see where I'm going with this?

Yeah, he's definitely out of the picture. Lastly, Shu-chan gave me his cell phone number a little bit quicker than I expected. I gave him mine, but he's never called it. I would expect him to be a little bit afraid to with it being me after all. However, I don't think that it would be too much of a problem if I called him, do you?

Honestly, I think that even Shuichi needs sleep, so he wouldn't be…busy…with…other things. I try not to think about that aspect of his relationship. In any case, you must also realize that if he missed one of my seldom calls while doing something probably as "common" (yes, I am shuddering at the thought) as that with his masturbational whore…then he would be very upset and an evil grin creeps onto my face.

To put things into perspective, this is the third night that I haven't slept. The other two nights were kind of just okay and I got through them alright, but the loneliness has finally just gotten to me. I need companionship now and without it, I doubt that I'll be awake for much longer.

In all honesty, I had spent the last two nights just trying to devise ways of rescuing Shu-chan, but as all of my plans ended up in the two conclusions of either raping him and keeping him as a pet or killing Yuki, I think that I kind of failed miserably in creating a heroic way of escape. The adrenaline had kept me up and my child face had kept suspicion off, but I was getting tired and I needed something to revitalize my energy.

It was then that I decided it would be good to try a call. It was four in the morning, I was exhausted and it was my last shot at a "sugar shock vitamin." I picked up my phone and looked at the scrap of paper that Shu had ecstatically given to me. I only then realized that it was extremely hard to read. He had written it way too fast for it to be legible…I could try to make sense of the numbers…or squiggles as they really were, but I think that would be a little difficult for me to manage because I haven't slept in three days, right?

Now, for another plan…what could I do? I am not calling anyone else for the number…and I am not going to be finding it in the telephone directory…so, I need to…ah! I know! I can check in my sent telephone calls! I'm pretty sure that I tried calling him recently and…he didn't pick up…why was that? Oh! Right, he was in the shower. He wasn't happy that he missed it so he…what did he do?

Oh, that's right! He gave me multiple numbers…one for his home, one for Yuki's apartment…shudder…and then his cell…again!

I scrolled through my dialed numbers list and found one that was familiar. Yes! It worked! Yay! I'm not a failure! I pressed the send button and waited. It was ringing…and ringing…and…wait for it, wait for it, _click…_there it was!

I heard heavy breathing on the other line and a small shudder. I instantly began to tense. Something was not right with this. There was nothing right at all…

I hesitantly tried to speak. "Um…hello? Is Shu-chan there?" I heard a little gasp on the line. It was him, but there was something odd about that gasp…it was as though it was…anguished.

"Shu-chan, is that you?" I heard a little murmur of agreement on the other end and another shudder. It was louder this time. I began to stand up from my bed. There was something seriously wrong.

"Shu-chan, why aren't you answering me? What's wrong?" I heard something choked back on the other line and then some little whimpering sound. I slowly began to hold the phone away from my face. This wasn't right and I needed answers.

"Shuichi! Answer me!" I heard this deep hollow moan before the phone just began to get all static like when you breathe on it too hard. It was obvious that he was crying. What happened?

"Shu…what happened? Why are you crying?" I could hardly breathe anymore. There was just something wrong that prevented me from not worrying. It was then that I heard a reply.

"Sa…Sakuma…san…I can hardly…there's so much…blood…pain…Yuki's gone…help me…help…Ryu…he…KZRZZZK……………………………………………………." It was then that I called K. I was not about to see anything bad happen again.

I dialed the number faster than I thought it possible for my fingers to move and a groggy American answered. "Ryuichi…what in the hell-"

"K, HELP ME!" There was a sudden alertness on the other side of the line. His voice snapped out of slumber and it became deadly serious. "Ryuichi, are you hurt? What's wrong?"

"Shuichi! I tried calling him and there's something terribly wrong! We have to get over there as fast as possible!" I was left with a dead ring tone on the line. I took that as a sign that K was on the move. I was as well.

I left the door to my apartment swinging as I began running as quick as possible. It was hardly ten minutes before I was able to hail a car. They stopped and I noticed the car's occupant, which seemed to be a young couple, looking me up and down. The woman rolled down the passenger side window.

"What seems to be your problem sir?" I was breathless and probably looked more frantic than I thought healthy.

"My friend, I just called him and he said he was hurt and he was crying and I need to get over there as quick as possible!"

They looked at me for a moment and the woman shrugged at the man. She said, "Hop in."

I did and we were off.

***

I shall spare everyone the tragedy of the car ride over to the apartment building and skip right to the important part. I arrived, amazingly, before K did. I didn't think it was possible, but because I didn't hear guns, I took it as a sign that he was late.

I reached the door that I remembered I had dropped Shu off at once before. It was sturdy and hardly used. It looked new. I looked around trying to find something that I could bash the thing in with when I also noticed that I could twist the handle. It was open.

I burst into the room looking as hard as I could for any imminent sign of danger. There was none. It was far too quiet here and I could smell something on the air…what could it be? I moved to flip on the light switch to the room, only to shrink back in fear. Everything was splattered in blood. The carpets, the walls, even the ceiling was just bathed in crimson liquid.

It couldn't be…where was Shu? I wouldn't believe it…he said that…Yuki was gone…and he was alive when I talked to him, so I wouldn't believe that he was dead until I found him…

I struggled to continue, but I managed to go on. I looked around and all the doors were open. I walked over to the kitchen. It seemed relatively clean…there were no real blood splatters there, but as I moved into the bedroom, it was also soaked. I noticed this little trail that lead from the living room into the bedroom, so I followed it. I watched it as it led me right to the bathroom.

I looked in and I will be forever haunted by what I saw.

Eiri Yuki lied there in the bath tub in a pool of blood. His eyes were glazed over and dried blood was crusted over his lips. He was dead, very dead.

He was dressed in one of his many expensive open shirts which lied, almost waving along in the sea of blood. His bare chest was almost glowing and it looked like the exposed parts of his stomach had rusted.

I didn't bother looking further. His eyes were enough to tell just how dead he was, not to mention this giant slit along his throat.

I noticed a small shine and carefully leaned over to look. I still was terrified and didn't want to get too close though. Lying, submerged on his hand was a large kitchen knife. I backed away, there was far too much for me to handle.

As I walked back out of the apartment, everything replayed in my head. The green carpets, the white porcelain, Shu, blood, sheets, blade…it was far too much for my fried brain to handle, but right now, all I could think about was Shu.

I drug myself outside. Shuichi could not have gotten that far away. I looked around carefully and listened. I heard little. There were crickets and some birds started to come out, but little else. I walked past the building and a small ways into the nearby park. If anywhere, this is where he would be.

I tried to listen again, but I didn't hear anything. I ran around, hardly bothering to watch where I was going. I noticed a few tree branches that were out of place, but I took that as normal because the wind had been rather bad recently. I saw a bench.

It was metal and regular, but I remembered it. Shu and I had come to the park once and I loved to sit on that bench. I walked over to it and sighed. I rubbed the cold, hard iron slowly thinking and concentrating as best as I could. I was still exhausted and I was running out of energy. It was then that I heard a noise.

I turned a little towards a conveniently close bush and moved back a few steps. There was a shoe sticking out from behind it.

I don't know how I covered ground that quickly, but when I did, I just kind of stood there looking down at Shuichi. He was just lying there with his eyes wide and staring, his hands were clutched to his heart and he was clenched up.

I could hardly cough out a syllable, "Shu…"

He flinched and then turned ever so slowly to look at me. His eyes were the most frightening thing I have ever seen. They were the closest things that I have seen to the soul. They were like mirrors and were white and round as the moon. I could hardly keep contact with them. His eyes flashed different colors in the moonlight as he registered who I was.

First they changed from his normal Amethyst to a darker shade of purple, and then to a reddish shade, then they just sparkled before they sank to these black orbs. He looked up with his eyes up at mine before tears just billowed from his. He made a few choking noises before his eyes returned to their sparkling form.

It was then that I reached down and took him into my arms. I sat there on the ground as I held him with his head resting on my shoulder. He slowly tightened his grip around my back until finally he just began sobbing and screaming loud enough to wake Yuki.

A solitary tear drop fell from my left eye. I held him tighter as he sobbed harder and I whispered to him slowly, "I'm so sorry that I could rescue you soon enough." It appears that I was too late.

A/N: Yeah, (Scratching the back of my head…) it wasn't very good was it? I know it was depressing so don't bother telling me that because the last thing that I need to hear is that I am causing more depression…I suffer from a particularly bad case now, so…yeah…

I think that I will have to struggle really hard to try to keep things more upbeat from now on. I will be working more on Random's Debut and it should be much more cheerful and funny, so if you don't like my dark fics, then look in my other ones.

I have been writing other things and I actually do have another story in the works for Gravi, so keep your eyes peeled. Also, I have been working on a La Corda fic and it does have abuse and smex, so I am going to try very hard to keep it from going like this one…

I would appreciate reviews, but I would like them on other stories of mine rather than this one…I tend to get the feeling that not many people will enjoy this fic…

I actually have ideas for another chapter if anyone is interested in this fic, so if anyone would like for me to keep writing on it and struggle through a bit more trauma to a pretty happy ending, please tell me. I like happy endings just as much as everyone else, but mine are a little bit twisted…

Yes, before anyone asks, my favorite character is Ryu and I despise Yuki, Tohma and Tatsuha with a passion. I do not want to hear any bitch fits that I killed a character because in this story, he needed to. Plus, I don't like him anyway.

In retrospective, this is a pretty good story, but I don't like writing depressing things…although, I don't really like writing comedy either…oh well, if you DID like this then tell me, I don't like it when people like things but never tell the person responsible for bringing pleasure into their lives…even though this is less than pleasurable…


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